Famous (fake) Diary Excerpts

I found these on my old Tumblr account and thought it might be nice to have them over here as I kick off my blog again. They were discovered by me in a cellar that I don’t have.

Presidential Diary Excerpts

“I cut it down because of the f**king pollen” – G. Washington

“Mary bought a new 8’ bed for the guest room. Toying with idea of introducing internship program.” – A. Lincoln

“I hope no one exploits my fetish for wearing fur while eating lasagna.” – J. Garfield

“Cut 2” off the legs of every chair and lowered all the mirrors. Wish I could see the new guy’s reaction.” – J. Buchanan

“Martha laughs twice as hard when I take my teeth out before I motorboat her.” – G. Washington

“Gave speech today when a carnie yelled he wasn’t running for office. Crowd threw shit at him. Seemed right.” – A. Lincoln

“I wish he’d realize I’m not always interested in the stories and constant chatter afterwards.” – M. T. Lincoln

“I giggle to myself every time I write the word saltpeter to my dear wife in a letter.” – excerpt J. Adams

“The girl’s advice re the beard has helped with public perception. But I have misgivings about the shaved groin.” – A. Lincoln

Diary Excerpts From the Days of Arthur

No longer able to keep track of them, I refer to each Knight as Sir Guyihad. – Lady Guinevere

Today I turned Arthur into a jackass. J/K, he did that on his own. – Myrddin Emrys

If I hear one more “Lanc-e-not” joke, someone is going to get hurt. – L du Lac

I altered Uther’s appearance so he might fornicate. I alter Arthur’s so he might garden. Thus ends the line. – Myrddin Emrys

In Latin it may be Ambrosius, but M should still eat more pineapple. – Niviane

Others see stars on my robe. I see notches. – Myrddin Emrys

I was very very very very very hungry today. And in rut. – U. Pendragon

More Presidential Excerpts

Today I reviewed troops in charge of the cannons. The “I admire your balls” line never gets old despite what McClellan says – A. Lincoln

Met Grant in person for the first time tonight. A few beer bombs later and I felt like we were old friends. Gives good hugs. – A. Lincoln

If I’m really being honest, the hat was a last minute purchase when they said there’d be no bathroom breaks during the debate. – A. Lincoln

Every time Salmon Chase spoke at the cabinet meeting today, I’d interrupt with “Something smells fishy”. LOLs all around. – A. Lincoln

Mary arrived back from her summer visit. Spent most of the night playing with the Lincoln Log. It’s good to be President. – A. Lincoln

Spent the afternoon at the telegraph office. Long wait. Passed time spamming Congressmen with forwarded joke telegrams. – A. Lincoln

Seward and I got drunk again tonight and codified Thanksgiving for all states. Mainly did it to f**k with Gov Milledge Bonham – A. Lincoln

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One Response to Famous (fake) Diary Excerpts

  1. Would you be interested if there were an e-book of these types of excerpts? If so, what other types of excerpts would you like to see (fictional and non-fictional people)? Would you be willing to pay a small amount for this type of book?

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